I Don't Wanna Hate

But it appears I'm in a surly mood this week. Ah, who are we kidding, I am in a surly mood about 83 per cent of my life. But still, I haven't forgotten about the Wordy Thirty, and I've been thinking about it, and planning things (and by planning I mean that when I am going to sleep I am all like "I should really get on that tomorrow!") but I am taking all of the suggestions into very serious consideration. And I am working on a master list. But the way I am about challenges is like this: I both want people to know about it, yet I dread having to explain why I haven't accomplished it all yet. So, I'm trolling around the fb, and come across thisahere thing:

By way of a preface I will say that so as not to insult people who have taken the "Bucket List" seriously, I went ahead and took the liberty of X-ing the boxes that apply to me. Read on

"The Bucket List. Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
() Gone on a blind date
(X) Donated Blood
(X) Skipped school
(X) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
() Been to Hawaii
() Been to Ecuador
() Been to Peru
( ) Been to Jamaica
( ) Been to Italy
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
() Sailed under the Golden Gate
(X) Been lost
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
() Hugged a homeless person
(X) Swam in the ocean
( ) Swam with Stingrays
(X) Been sailing in the ocean (the bay)
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers
() Recently colored with crayons
( ) Ran a marathon
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Volunteered at a soup kitchen
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
( ) Seen the Northern Lights
( ) Been Parasailing
( ) Been on TV
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
() Fed an elephant
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
() Fired a gun
(X) Danced in the rain
() Been to the Opera
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Serenaded someone
( ) Seen a U.S.President in person
(X ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X ) Watched the sunrise with someone
( ) Driven a race car
(X) Been to a National Museum
() Been to a Wax Museum
(X ) Eaten caviar
(X) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( )Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(X) Seen the Grand Canyon
(X) Seen the Statue of Liberty
() Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
() Traveled by train
(X) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
() Ridden on a San Francisco cable car
(X) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
() Been in a rain forest
(X ) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
() Ridden on an elephant
() Ridden on a Camel
() Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
() Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
() Watched the sun rise over the Ocean
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
(X) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
() Been to a National Football League game
( ) Swam with sharks
() Been White Water Rafting
() Written a book or screen play
() Volunteered with orphans
(X) Loved someone more than Yourself"

Okay, cheeseandrice! Right? First of all, let's just get this out in the open. I don't know whose Bucket List this is, and I guess I don't really care. But whoever puts "watched someone die" and "paid for a meal with coins only" in the same context has some priorities pretty far out of whack. Not that everything on the list should maintain the same level of importance, but dang! This person wrote "seen whales in the ocean" as if they occur somewhere else! I'll admit, I feel kinda bad, because I have neither seen, nor heard, nor know what a glacier calf is. I'm assuming it's some kind of offspring of a glacier, but I've been too busy giving blood to check out the glacier calves this time of year, apologies. "Recently colored with crayons", "hugged a homeless person" and "gone to the movies" also caused a certain amount of vexation. Because, well: yes, no, yes-- does this make me a bad person? Crap. There are some things that certain people just can't do. Like love someone more than yourself. I kid. But really, I have some serious motion sickness. I have to be drugged to the gills to get on a sailboat, at which point I am no help in "coming about" and whatnot. I just stare lazily and tranquilly at the eddies in the boat's wake. So whitewater rafting may not be for me. That's another thing.

Okay, Wordy Thirty's not a Bucket List, and furthermore, even while I haven't seen the movie of the same title and never (please god) will, I don't really think that I like this Bucket List. As a literary transvestite once said, "two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it". While perhaps inappropriate, I concur.